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One of the most overlooked virtues in people is the ability to both ask for forgiveness and to forgive others with good grace.

From the early days of infancy we are taught to say 'sorry' when we have caused hurt or upset to another living being. Parents want their children to know the difference between right and wrong and in teaching them to ask for forgiveness for a wrong doing, they are helping them to develop their moral barometers as well as empathy. But, as you know there are many levels and depths of being sorry for something and just saying the word without the genuine feeling of remorse to back it up, doesn't really make much of an impact.

However, contrary to this childhood programming of saying sorry, forgiveness isn't actually dependant on receiving an apology from a person. Of course it's nice to feel vindicated to hear a persons genuine apology but its not always necessary for forgiveness to occur. When you forgive someone with or without their actual apology, you are liberating yourself from the heavy feelings of sadness , disappointment or hurt that were associated with it. You are actively deciding to not be affected by whatever it was by letting go of it and allowing your thoughts to move on to something else. Forgiveness is a powerful means of taking back your power in a situation and in doing so you will move out of the mindset that weighed you down with emotional turmoil.

Those with healthy levels of empathy will always apologise when they feel they have done something that warrants it because they feel the heaviness and sorrow for their actions and they genuinely want to make things right to release the burden of those feelings. Some people struggle to ask for forgiveness because it adds to their feelings of guilt and shame or their ego won't allow them to back down. Asking for forgiveness first puts you in the vulnerable position of admitting your wrong doing (ego) and then the waiting to see if your apology has been accepted (fear of rejection). Those ruled by ego or fear of rejection are not going to find asking for forgiveness easy! Often these people with partner up with those that are very forgiving in nature and allow them to sweep their wrong doings under the rug - we all know what happens when you try to walk across a bumpy rug! The instability of this relationship dynamic will likely lead to resentment and the questioning of the other persons integrity and values further down the line.

When you hold a grudge about something and can't forgive someone it creates a heavy feelings of resentment, anger, upset and sadness - not a great cocktail of emotions to allow to fester! The longer you dwell on it, the more intensely you feel these emotions and they can quickly spiral into a negative mindset and start to lower your overall well being.

The alternative is to accept your feelings of what has happened in that moment and allow yourself to feel it, express it and then release it. Some things are going to be more difficult than others but like anything, the more you practice this mind set, the easier it will become. If you can make a conscious decision to not let something bother you anymore you'll learn how to take back control of the situation and you'll feel much less of a victim. Take a lesson from whatever happened and add it to your not-to-be repeated life experiences. Sometimes you might even find a positive outcome from the situation later on. The most important thing to remember is that the forgiveness is for you, to regain your mental balance and emotional stability.

Need more reasons to forgive something?

- Free up mental thought space

- Gain a bigger / different perspective

- Feel more in control of the situation

- Learn from the experience

- Feel less of a victim

- Experience compassion

- Be the bigger person

- Set an example to others

To sum up, forgiveness is an act of compassion which improves your emotional wellbeing. It's making peace with something or someone for your greater good. Even with forgiveness you can still chose to walk away from a person or situation, forgiveness isn't a golden ticket to allow people to repeatedly abuse others with. In forgiving, you decide how you wish to move forward but without the emotional burden from whatever had occurred.

If you struggle to forgive others, hold grudges or feel emotionally weighed down, help is available to allow you to release and move forward with your life. Binaural treatment focused around 417Hz alpha waves is a powerful tool to help you release past emotions and overcome any obstacles that were hindering your growth.

Feel free to get in touch for more information.

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