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Self Love

Updated: Mar 8, 2023



Valuing yourself in order to prioritise the care of your emotional, physical and mental self.


In always putting the needs of others before your own, you're not doing yourself or others justice. There's a reason why airlines say 'fit your own oxygen mask before helping others'.


The best way that we can serve others is by first serving ourselves and looking after our own needs. In doing this, we're able to bring the best version of ourselves to the table and be able to help others more effectively. Self love is not something that comes easily to those with low self-esteem as they often feel that by sacrificing their needs, that one day they'll have earned the right to be worthy enough to be receive what it is they desire, usually love. The sad truth is, that the more they give of themselves, the more it becomes expected of them as they morph into the identity of a chronic 'giver'. This pattern of behaviour is reenforced by those around them who adopt their role as the 'taker' and so, the destructive cycle begins, takers gonna take take take take take...


So what is self love?


Self love is setting healthy boundaries with anyone who you are connected to personally or professionally. Without these boundaries in place you're leaving yourself open to people that may take advantage of you, whether they realise it or not. It's often harder to spot within personal relationships as we usually have our guards down with our friends and family whereas in work environments we are generally a little more guarded because our roles and timetable are more clearly defined.


Self love is the act of looking after yourself before tending to the needs of others. It can be something as simple as allowing yourself 10 minutes of meditation / yoga after you wake up to get your mind into a clear space for the day ahead. Carving out time for yourself should never be seen as an indulgence but instead, a fundamental necessity. More often than not, when people become parents they become so absorbed and focussed on their children, that to some extent, their needs fall by the wayside and they end up in a cycle of survival rather than a happy family dynamic.


Self love is not selfish or narcissistic (in a healthy degree) - you deserve to love yourself and appreciate your unique qualities. We tell others that we love them, but rarely do we tell ourselves or take the time to consider what we love about ourselves. It can feel uncomfortable at first thinking in this way, but we all have good qualities that we should be proud of so why not focus on them as much as we do the negative ones?


Self love is being able to stand up to those who are not treating you in a way that you feel is respectful, kind or fair to you. Speaking your truth and telling others how they are making you feel is fundamental to having honest and balanced relationships. Feeling silenced or unable to speak your truth for fear of upsetting others is an unhealthy mental state that will only lead to further lowering of your self-worth. Recognising this negative trait in yourself is a positive step to understanding what you need to overcome in order to rebalance your self-love.



Here are some great pointers from choosingtherapy.com that help promote self love;

  • Believe you are good, worthy, and lovable, regardless of what’s happening in your life

  • Feel deserving of love and respect from other people

  • Accept and love yourself as you are now, with no conditions or exceptions

  • Practice self-compassion and treat yourself with care, kindness, and respect

  • Believe in your potential to grow, learn, change, and improve

  • Have flaws and make mistakes that don’t threaten your identity or worth


The first step towards greater self love is understanding why you need it, then how to implement it into your life and finally practicing it until it is becomes so natural to you that eventually, you'll forget that you ever lacked it in the first place.




© 2023 Have a Word With Yourself.







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