I purposefully choose to avoid saying 'toxic people' because unless they're just back from an all inclusive at Chenobyl, people aren't generally toxic. Actions and words though can be very toxic so instead of seeing it as something that's created by an external source, toxicity should be recognised as a choice and therefore something that anyone can chose to be or not.
Toxic traits are characteristics in people's behaviour that show up externally as bitterness, jealousy, cruelty, control, bitchiness, manipulation to name a few. We can all experience these emotions during our lives and it doesn't make us all inherently toxic, it makes us human. However, our reactions to these toxic traits is what clearly defines our character. There are those that having been made aware of their toxic behaviour and will do everything they can to rectify it. They commendably accept, process and work through their toxic traits in order to address them and make peace with whoever was affected by them. A conscientious decision to better themselves for themselves and for those around them. Then, there's those who's egos get triggered by being made aware of their toxic traits and instead of reflecting on their actions, they become defensive and try to deflect it by blaming anyone other than themselves for their actions. People that show a total lack of accountability are not going to have the emotional maturity to do the introspective work and make the necessary steps towards changing their behaviour so don't waste your energy in trying to convince them otherwise.
The biggest problem with the latter group is that they feel justified in their toxic behaviour by making excuses or false narratives that have no reflection on the reality of a situation. This pushes them into a state of denial about their behaviour and as a consequence, they don't see themselves as the problem that needs fixing. Instead of reflecting on the reality of their actions, they continue to delude themselves and may even use others to triangulate their opinions in order to continue behaving as they are. This dedication to creating a false reality based on their feelings rather than reality fuels the downward spiral of self-destruction and inevitably leads to their relationships failing.
We all have the power to chose how we show-up in the world, how we treat others and how we respond. I personally deal with others toxicity by not reacting in the way they'd expect. I can see when I'm being provoked and I choose to ignore it and focus my attention on things that bring me happiness instead. To others this may appear as weak or cowardly but I can assure you that it's the exact opposite. When you chose to not let others bring your emotional state down, you take control of the situation and in the process expose their motives and intentions without having to lower your own. When you know that you have integrity, honesty and good intentions as your core values, no amount of gossiping, rumours or lies can affect you because you know that the truth will always prevail as there is nothing to substantiate their claims. Those that hide behind falsity and deceit have to constantly recreate scenarios in order to maintain their narrative which never ends well when pieces of their stories don't fit with the reality of the truth that's there for all to see.
It's game over.
If you would like to know how personalised binaural treatment can help you to manage being around people with toxic traits, please feel free to get in touch and I will happily explain the process to you.
© Word With Yourself 2024
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